When Work Besties Become Life Besties

My mom passed away this past February. She had been sick and in hospice for about 6 months and died peacefully on Long Island where I am from. I remember when I first walked into the room for her wake being taken aback by all the beautiful flowers family & friends had sent. As I started to read the cards, a felt a small gasp let out as I read the first one…a beautiful peace lily plant from the team I worked with back in Buffalo. We hadn’t worked together as a team for close to 3 years. But they were still my friends. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude that I was fortunate enough to work with such as amazing group of people that are still in my life after all this time.

Makes me think…how did this happen? How do work besties become life besties?

I’ve been in corporate America for almost 30 years and have worked mostly at 3 large organizations. Work relationships have come and gone. You stay in touch for a while after you leave but with time, they often fade. The thing that kept you connected (the company) is no longer there.

Made me think…what’s different about this group?

So our little team was small…but mighty. Just 4 of us. Different ages, different stages of life. Even very different interests. All of us really just worked directly together for about 3 years then dissipated.  But when I think about those 3 years, there are some unique circumstances we shared:

We lived through Covid together.

Thinking back to that time…our lives were turned upside down. We moved from working onsite every day to fully remote.

This was huge.

How were we supposed to get anything done and stay connected without sitting right next to each other?  Seems like a dated question now…but at the time it was very real.

It was also a time of such uncertainty. We were scared.

Scared of getting sick. Scared of our family getting sick. Scared of what was happening in the world around us. And through all of this fear, we were sitting alone in our houses staring into a computer screen. It was all very strange.

And on top of all this change, our jobs had completely flipped upside down. As we were responsible for our new hire and learning in the organization, being completely remote changed everything. What we once knew didn’t translate into this new world. We had to figure everything out from scratch…including technology.  

There was stress.

There was fear.

There was exhaustion.

There was uncertainty.

But there was also intense connection. Going through all of this together created a team bond like I’ve never experienced before. In the beginning we had team check-ins three times a day…eventually it spanned to three times a week.

These check-ins became a safe space to not only address our challenges but share our fears. Share our moments of happiness. And laugh…gosh did we laugh.

One story comes to mind.

At the time I had a 7- and 9-year-old at home while I was working. I had a sign on the door that stated, “Unless someone is dying, bleeding or unconscious, do not disturb me if I’m in a meeting.” 

So we were in one of our team check-in’s one day and my 7-year-old son is knocking vigorously on the door.

I let him, in as the team is all listening in on my computer, thinking something must be really wrong.

“Joey…what is it, is everything ok???”

“Yes”

“What could be so important to interrupt Mommy when she is in a meeting?”

“It is really important!” he pleaded.

“Ok, ok…what is it?”

“How do you know when French fries are freezer burned?”

The whole team just burst out laughing in the background. I remember thinking…this is the stuff that will get us through this time. Laughter. A lot of laughter.

I remember that first summer during Covid having the team over to sit in my backyard (socially distanced) to share a pizza. It was like we won the lottery. Who knew being physically in the same space as someone would be so life changing?

As I was leading the team at the time I remember thinking…there is no instruction manual for this. This was unprecedented and to be honest sometimes I felt out of my element.

And I wasn’t perfect…not even close.

But I kept going back to “how do I support the team as best as I know how to enable them to feel capable, safe and motivated to face these crazy challenges?”

And each day was something different, but they knew I had their back, and I knew they had mine.  We were going to get through this.

So, getting back to my original question…how do work besties become life besties? I don’t have all the answers, but this is what I know from experience.

I don’t think you need to go through an experience like Covid to seal life-long friendships.  But I do think facing tough challenges together where you see each other as whole people, you are vulnerable together and you genuinely care about each other helps.  

And not all work friends become life friends…and that’s ok. It’s a shared experience in that moment in time of your life that is meaningful too.

So, our team gets together every other month or so for dinner to catch up on each other’s lives.  And we’ve each gone our separate ways creating paths of our own. But sitting at dinner last night I felt grateful for going through Covid with this group and for our continued friendship.  

I brought home the peace lily they gave me at my mother’s wake and now it brightens up my new office.

Just reminds me, work is so much more than a place where you get stuff done. It’s about people. It’s about relationships. It’s about connections. And maybe…it’s a little bit about besties 😊.

Dinner During Covid Dinner Last Week!