What people often get wrong about leadership...

I had a scary incident with my daughter this week involving one of her sports teams. And while I don’t want to get into the specifics of what happened, as I reflect back on it what keeps ringing through my head is “Where is the leadership?”

Don’t get me wrong, I recognize these are teenagers learning the lessons of life and they are really just at the beginning of their journey. But there’s something fundamental that many kids (not all) get wrong when they are named “captain” of a team or leader of a group. And the sad thing is, in my 20 years of working with leaders in organizations, many adults get this fundamental principle wrong as well.

They think being a leader is all about them.

Their work, their success, their accomplishments.

The leader title is a status symbol that grants “power”.

Part of me gets it because usually that is what prompts someone to be designated the leader, team captain, etc. They are good at what they do!

But what these kids and adults are missing is that when you become a leader, all the sudden the focus isn’t about your individual success- it’s about the success of those you lead.  

And that’s a completely different ball game…pun intended.

In actuality, what I said earlier isn’t entirely true…being a leader does take a lot of focus on yourself. But it is a very specific focus.

How does my behavior impact others?

The good leaders I’ve worked with focus on this question all the time. They understand how significant their behavior is to elevate the team or deflate the team. And they continuously work to build self-awareness to improve those behaviors that can impact team success.

The not-so-good leaders…well they do just the opposite. They have no interest in looking in the mirror and instead place blame externally. It’s not me…it’s them. Leader means – do what I say because I’m in charge. I’m the boss. End of story.

And it’s sad to see the devastating impacts this can have on the teams they lead and ultimately their results. In the short-term this leader may get the project done, but in the long run they will suffer casualties such as turnover, disengagement, and suboptimal results.

When you are leader, it’s a great responsibility. You are asking for people to trust you and trust is not something that is freely given, it’s earned. If you expect people to give their best to you, you need to show up for them. It’s just the way it works.

People don’t follow title…they follow character.

So how does my behavior impact others? It’s a loaded question but it’s one we should all ask ourselves on a regular basis. Because we all leading others in some capacity in our lives and our actions have an impact.

Getting back to my daughter…she had her first experience with poor leadership. And unfortunately, there will be more in her life.  But she learned a valuable lesson through it all: Resilience.

She did not let others determine her worth.  

And as her mom, I could not be more proud.