The Many Versions of Ourselves

I recently came across an artifact from my past…22 years past. It was a “yearbook” from a two-year leadership development program I was in at the first company I worked for after college. The Explorers…that’s what the program was called.

Flipping through the pages of the yearbook and looking at this young version of myself…it felt like a different person.  

Back then I was 28, single and living in New York City.  I was a group Marketing Manager for a series of B2B magazines at a global organization. I had an amazing studio apartment on Park Avenue and 34^th street. On Sundays, I would go to the roof deck and soak in the view of the Empire State Building. I remember it being so peaceful.  You see, wherever you are in New York, there is street noise. It’s just part of the aesthetic- like packed subways and street corner bodegas. But on that rooftop, it was too high up for all the noise. And no one was ever there. Just me, my bagel, the Times and an unbelievable view. I loved those Sunday mornings.

I look back on it now and it feels hard to believe that was my life. I am so distant from it. Living in a different place, with a different career, having kids and a husband and a house in the suburbs I think, who is that 28-year-old from the pictures? Is that really me?

It makes me think of all the different versions of ourselves we experience through our lives and how they contribute to who we are today. And the people that enter our lives for short periods of time but are amazingly impactful just the same. That was the Explorers for me.

I was the social organizer of the group. We had participants from all over North America, but a lot of us were in New York. We would go to happy hours and extend our Explorer work trips to do a mini vacations together- we were close.

I remember our very first meeting being so intimidated. Who are these ambitious successful people? Why am I here?  How am I going to fit it? But they soon became some of my closest friends over those 2 years.

And then the program ended.  I moved away and started a new life. My old friends became connections on LinkedIn.

And that’s ok.

Makes me think of the Billy Joel lyric- “So many faces in and out of my life. Some will last, some will just be now and then.”

Life is constantly changing and evolving. That was a very important chapter in my life that in many ways shaped who I am today. It was through that program that I discovered my passion for leadership development. I discovered my own leadership skills and what I really wanted out of my career…and my life. While I loved New York (and still do), I recognized it wasn’t where I wanted to be forever.

So, things change.

People change.

You change.

And here I am 22 years later looking back at a time that feels foreign to me yet very intimate. It brings back happy memories. Fondness for a time and place that is sacred.

It helps me appreciate the crazy, beautiful journey I’ve been on that got me to this very moment. To remember the people that made me smile and brought me joy.

I'm grateful.

Thank you Explorers. You live with the 28-year-old city living, bar hopping version of myself that I will visit every once in a while with fondness. And maybe some longing.  

Photo of the Explorers at our very first meeting in New York City, 2002. Can you find me?