I've Jumped on the LET THEM Bandwagon...

As a chronic people pleaser from birth, reading the book, Let Them by Mel Robbins, was a very freeing experience for me.

Actually, it was kinda life changing.

And that’s probably why there has been so much buzz around this book- I’ve seen #LetThem everywhere and now I get why. If you haven’t read it- here’s the premise.  Mel Robbins states the case that you cannot control what other people do or think, so stop trying- let them think what they want. Instead, focus on what you can control- yourself! Your actions, your response, your thoughts, your life.

This is not a new concept.  My mentor would always tell me to focus on what I can control and let go of what is out of my control. But there is something about uttering the words, Let Them that is so liberating- I find myself applying the principle all the time. Let me share an example.

My 13-year-old son is not a fan of doing chores (what kid is?). And he is very explicit about his displeasure when I ask him to do a chore. In the past, I would try to “fix it” by verbalizing why it’s important to do his share, reminding him why he receives an allowance, telling him what his sister is doing so he knows it’s equal. Did my “fixing” it ever work? No. What I was trying to do was control his displeasure and make it “better” for him. But I can’t control how my son feels. So now I say to myself- “Let him be unhappy about his chores.” It's ok. I can only control how I respond.

Which leads to the second part of the Let Them equation - Let Me. What is my internal and external response? I think to myself- "It’s ok- he will get over it". I am kind but firm with my son and I move on. In this situation, I free myself of the emotional burden of his displeasure. I try not to let it bother me.

This is actually a really hard thing for me to do…because I care about what people think and how they feel. I don’t want people to be unhappy, mad or disappointed in me. I want people to like me. But according to Mel, that’s not something I can control.

Ouch.

Chapter 5 of the book is entitled: “Let Them Think Bad Thoughts About You.” That sentence is both horrifying and liberating at the same time. Let’s unpack this.

The horrifying part first - so it’s ok for people to have bad thoughts about me?  That just seems to go against human nature…or at least my nature (people pleaser, remember). But the clincher here that Mel points out is we cannot control other people’s thoughts period. People can think whatever they want. And even if we try to be perfect in every way (which is impossible) some people will still have a problem with it.

Your dress is too pink.

You’re trying too hard.

You’re not trying enough.

You talk too much.

You’re too nice.

You’re too direct.

You’re too old.

You’re too young.

The list goes on and on.

So let them. Let them think whatever they want because you can’t stop them. Let go of trying to control how others feel about you and live your life.

This is where we get to the liberating part. Letting go of that perceived control is scary yet very freeing. And it’s crazy to think of all the things we hold back on out of fear of what others might think. What if we just didn’t?  Let them think whatever they want and we just live our lives as we want to.

And the other crazy thing I realized while reading this book is often what we fear others are thinking might just be a projection of our own insecurities. Let me explain.

A few days ago, two very close friends sent me over the same job posting separately- just a few hours apart. They both stated similar things: they knew I was starting my own business but just in case I was interested, they wanted to send this job over. When I got the second post I started to think, do my friends think I’m not going to make it? Maybe they don’t think I have what it takes to run my own business?  They think I’m going to fail.

Now do I honestly believe my two friends think I’m going to fail? No.

Is failure one of my greatest fears about starting my own business? 100%.

My friends aren’t afraid I’m going to fail…I am.

Sooooo…could some things you fear others are thinking about you really just be a projection of your own fears, insecurities or doubts?

I know we’re getting deep here but my point is READ THIS BOOK. It’s a game changer.  And if you’re a people pleaser like me, this book can start the road to recovery.

Would love to know your thoughts! Share below…

Reading at the beach...it's really the best way!