Beware of where you drop the S bomb.

A few months ago, I was debriefing a Hogan Leadership Assessment* for a colleague of mine and I picked up on something she kept saying over and over again- “I should”.

“I should make more money; I should get a bigger title; I should work more hours”, etc. The list was going on and on.  I finally stopped her and I said, “I’m hearing a lot of shoulds…what is it you actually want?” 

She paused.

“That’s a really good question. I don’t really think about what I want…I always think about what I should be doing.”

Umm…

Then just a couple weeks later I was having lunch with another colleague of mine who was considering a big job promotion at another organization with a lot more responsibility. He said, “I should be relaxing and enjoying life instead of taking on more.”

That darn should word again.

I said, “Joe (not his real name)- What is it you really want?”

He looked at me a bit surprised by the question but replied, “I want the job!”

“Then go for it!”

How many of us allow ourselves to think about what we want instead of what we should be doing?  Are we even aware of the difference?

Let’s peel back the onion on this one.

So much of our existence is filled with shoulds- Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in them:

I should be more successful.

I should be thinner.

I should go out more.

I should take all my vitamins.

The house should be cleaner.

I should spend more time with my kids.

I should lift heavier weights.

I should read more.

I should eat more protein. And fiber. And vegetables.

I should like pickleball.

But what do I want?

Eat ice cream… All. The. Time.

Seriously though, when you put all the shoulds together it becomes overwhelming.  Which leads you to feel defeated because it’s impossible to meet the expectations of a million shoulds.

So, what’s the answer? Just do what I want…all the time?

Well, that has its problems too. If I ate ice cream all the time, there would be long term consequences. And actually, I don’t want ice cream all the time.

But maybe when I do want it, I should just have it. (see what I did there?)

Maybe the key is balance. And aligning your shoulds with your wants.

For example, I want to be healthy. So, I should eat more protein, fiber and veggies b/c it will get me what I want…to be healthy. 

Should and want need to play nicely together in the sandbox.

And…give more thought to your wants. What will truly make you happy and fulfilled? Not what you think should make you happy & fulfilled.

So, the moral of the story? Watch out for dropping too many S bombs in your life without double checking your W’s (wants).

Happy Not Shoulding!

*Hogan Leadership Assessment is the industry standard for measuring workplace personality, with a 40-year history of predicting employee performance and helping companies reduce turnover, absenteeism, shrinkage, and poor customer service. Reach out to me at kelly@ceallaighleadership.com if you want to learn more! www.hoganassessments.com